My Personal Struggle with Anorexia

This week was National Eating Disorder Awareness week. This topic is a highly personal one for me and although it makes me feel vulnerable at times I think sharing parts of my story are critical to raising awareness.

Eating disorders can come in different forms and effect women and men of all shapes and sizes. For me the biggest struggle was anorexia. I also battled with EDNOS for a period of time. It took honesty with my doctor, partaking in cognitive based therapy, and eventually medication for my anxiety and depression to truly recover.

Today I thought I would share an entry from my journal where I reflect on my journey. This was written in my early 20’s when I was emerging from a dark place and finally starting to see the light.

Reflection

There were nights when my frail body would lie in bed freezing from my lack of body fat. My tinny frame lay still as can be but my mind raced a mile a minute. I would pray for God to help me; I would plead with him to take this pain away. I would promise him that I would do better tomorrow, that I would try harder to eat normally.

Morning would arrive and I would try to stay motivated. After all, it was a new day. But what my mind was telling me I needed to do was something I could not seem to carry out. I was trapped. This cycle continued for quite some time and it was nothing short of hell. I was so confused and wasn’t sure exactly why I was doing this to myself. I just knew I was miserable and I was taking it out on my body.

It wasn’t until I sought the help I needed that I was able to start recovering. At first there was immense shame in having to go to a doctor and a therapist for my problem.

I never want to go back to those dark nights. What a miserable way to live! After a ton of hard work I can happily say that I no longer lay in bed at night wondering if I'll be able to get myself through the next day. Recalling the depression and heart ache of my anorexia motivates me to stay on the healthy path of recovery. I like to remind myself that although there is still work to be done, I have come such a long way.

I could not have succeeded in recovery without my faith in Jesus Christ. There were times that my feeble mind and body couldn’t face another day but God lit a fire in my heart to continue on. I would pray hourly for help and I could feel a power beyond my own strength lifting me up to continue on. I truly believe it was the work of a higher power. 


I am going to end this post with a list of links that I have found helpful in regards to ED's. If you think you may be struggling with an ED or if you think you may know someone who does I encourage you to visit these links. And as always this blog is open for discussion on this topic. I am more than willing to answer questions and help where I can.

• Something Fishy
• NEDA
• The True Campaign 
• Jess Weiner